Post by Yawn of the Dead on Feb 17, 2021 13:37:05 GMT -5
It’s Always Grizzly in Philadelphia – An Unfinished Oral History of Something Involving Druce and Bankz
Hello and welcome, my name is Yawn Carter and I’d like to welcome you to a Frontline special, “It’s Always Grizzly in Philadelphia,” the first installment in our TMBSL Drama series brought to you by Hims.com. Hims.com, for when you need to get boners on the reg so you can do it real good.
Today we will touch upon one of the most useless and confusing rivalries in recent TMBSL memory. A fight between two people so small, David the Gnome has been brought in to negotiate peace. But he’s Spanish and no one understands a word that knockoff Keebler elf is saying.
In order to understand the conflict, you must first understand the GMs involved. Bankz and Druce. Two titans of being aggrieved over shit nobody cares about.
During the course of our investigation we spoke to GMs across the league and ardent Sim observers to get a better understanding of what exactly happened. Or just understand the situation at hand. Let’s hear a little more from those involved.
“I was on the [Redacted due to Disney threatening to sue] pod chatting some good shit with Dirt. Over the course of our 3 hour circle jerk we’d landed some real zingers, especially on a couple GMs that had it coming. We knew we had some really fire commentary. Druce had been asking for it for weeks. And he responded just like I knew he would, like a bambino who wasn’t happy with the candles on his baby belly buster special of a 12 inch pie, 2 liter of diet mt dew and 2 dozen wings for $199.99 at the shop. I wasn’t surprised at his response at all.” - Bankz
“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not because it is shocking, I didn’t know what was happening, the altitude was making me sick. So I asked Soup to let me down. When they let me into what was going on I knew we had to roll against Druce.” –Dirt
“Look, regardless of what side you are on this is tremendous bullshit. What fun!” - Soup
“I was going to the store, sitting in the back of the Malibu when all of sudden I saw Bankz, Dirt and a few other fellows were giving me shit on their podcast. I don’t know what I did to them but I was pissed. I told Majic to turn the car around to pick up Sap, who wasn’t a GM at the time, because it was time to roll.” -Druce
“You know how the Bossman is! He can’t go 600 feet, or 4 football tosses without changing his mind. I’m just happy to work with him. What a pleasure!” - Majic
“So we came up with a game plan, go after each other in votes. Hit em in the wallets. That’s what the bigger man in this situation would do.” -Druce
“The bossman always comes up with the best plan of action!” -Majic
“All I wanted was the ability to take over a dumpster fire and move it to its rightful home, Cleveland” -Sapular
The shockwave of the conflict quickly rippled through the league. Voting was now politicized. Arguments were made, the very value of Skrouse Currency was at risk. Bankz worried about people being abusive with voting and then immediately went ahead and downvoted shit. GMs were caught in the crossfire.
“This bullshit...” –Ward2Dunn
“01010111 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101101 01100001 01101110 01101001 01110100 01111001” –Eric, Commissioner
“Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero .Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck.” - IanBoyd
“Sorry guys, I haven’t figured our which grade or stats matter most. I should have 15 guys under long term contracts right? Anyway, hit a PR on my sumo deadlift the other day it…
“Woah nice! I did 750 box jumps last night because the leader, I mean instructor said that was on the way to see gains!”
“I’m going to go get high and play Hitman 3” – IRUSH And JamesHardensBeard
“You know Chap is probably a tier 1 elite GM. I really like his draft. Obviously top 2 GMs. Have you seen Bootsy? I would trade him but you guys are all so fucking stupid. I’m the smartest guy in the whole wide world.” – Declined to be named
“I wasn’t really paying attention. After years of effort and planning I finally got the green light for operation “Final Jeopardy” and killed that bastard Hal Holbrook. He was dining in hell and I was getting squirrelly with a diet caffeine free coke.” -Delap
As we enter the second week of drama, is there an end in sight?
“If he stops acting like a child. And apologizes. God what a bitch. Can’t understand what I said wrong. It’s not like I gave him a Godfather 7 meat special instead of our vegetarian face stuffer.” – Bankz
“Happily, Bankz just needs to acknowledge he’s a bad father and his life is a waste.” – Druce
“Oh boy I sure hope so; I hate it when the Bossman is angry! He won’t put the divider down in the Malibu---err Limo!” – Majic
Experts around TMBSL worry this unnecessary drama could damage Eric’s willingness to continue to put up with unnecessary bullshit.
“I was looking at the body language Eric was showing and oh my god this reminds of Top Gun’s shirtless beach scene. Remember that? Has James Harden been traded in this league yet? My daughter Zoe has some fun comments about Bankz that I’d like to bring her on for, but first Malcom Gladwell and my son Ben Simmons to chat about quantum physics.” – Bill Simmons, The Ringer
“I just want to get a 25 W/S player for a 2nd round pick. This bullshit is engaging people. We need more in ignorance so I can trade freely. Can I text you about 14 offers?” – Heebs
“Can I just drink beer?” – Trofie
“Sorry guys. I’ve been high, what is going on?” –Odin
What a ride! Join us next week when we get an exclusive tour to Ankly’s sleep away camp for new GMs who don’t trade good.
Frontline is brought to you by the TMBSL association for public articles. Brought to you by readers like you.
Hello and welcome, my name is Yawn Carter and I’d like to welcome you to a Frontline special, “It’s Always Grizzly in Philadelphia,” the first installment in our TMBSL Drama series brought to you by Hims.com. Hims.com, for when you need to get boners on the reg so you can do it real good.
Today we will touch upon one of the most useless and confusing rivalries in recent TMBSL memory. A fight between two people so small, David the Gnome has been brought in to negotiate peace. But he’s Spanish and no one understands a word that knockoff Keebler elf is saying.
In order to understand the conflict, you must first understand the GMs involved. Bankz and Druce. Two titans of being aggrieved over shit nobody cares about.
During the course of our investigation we spoke to GMs across the league and ardent Sim observers to get a better understanding of what exactly happened. Or just understand the situation at hand. Let’s hear a little more from those involved.
“I was on the [Redacted due to Disney threatening to sue] pod chatting some good shit with Dirt. Over the course of our 3 hour circle jerk we’d landed some real zingers, especially on a couple GMs that had it coming. We knew we had some really fire commentary. Druce had been asking for it for weeks. And he responded just like I knew he would, like a bambino who wasn’t happy with the candles on his baby belly buster special of a 12 inch pie, 2 liter of diet mt dew and 2 dozen wings for $199.99 at the shop. I wasn’t surprised at his response at all.” - Bankz
“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not because it is shocking, I didn’t know what was happening, the altitude was making me sick. So I asked Soup to let me down. When they let me into what was going on I knew we had to roll against Druce.” –Dirt
“Look, regardless of what side you are on this is tremendous bullshit. What fun!” - Soup
“I was going to the store, sitting in the back of the Malibu when all of sudden I saw Bankz, Dirt and a few other fellows were giving me shit on their podcast. I don’t know what I did to them but I was pissed. I told Majic to turn the car around to pick up Sap, who wasn’t a GM at the time, because it was time to roll.” -Druce
“You know how the Bossman is! He can’t go 600 feet, or 4 football tosses without changing his mind. I’m just happy to work with him. What a pleasure!” - Majic
“So we came up with a game plan, go after each other in votes. Hit em in the wallets. That’s what the bigger man in this situation would do.” -Druce
“The bossman always comes up with the best plan of action!” -Majic
“All I wanted was the ability to take over a dumpster fire and move it to its rightful home, Cleveland” -Sapular
The shockwave of the conflict quickly rippled through the league. Voting was now politicized. Arguments were made, the very value of Skrouse Currency was at risk. Bankz worried about people being abusive with voting and then immediately went ahead and downvoted shit. GMs were caught in the crossfire.
“This bullshit...” –Ward2Dunn
“01010111 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101101 01100001 01101110 01101001 01110100 01111001” –Eric, Commissioner
“Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero .Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck. Mango Habanero . Need Sim. Aggies suck.” - IanBoyd
“Sorry guys, I haven’t figured our which grade or stats matter most. I should have 15 guys under long term contracts right? Anyway, hit a PR on my sumo deadlift the other day it…
“Woah nice! I did 750 box jumps last night because the leader, I mean instructor said that was on the way to see gains!”
“I’m going to go get high and play Hitman 3” – IRUSH And JamesHardensBeard
“You know Chap is probably a tier 1 elite GM. I really like his draft. Obviously top 2 GMs. Have you seen Bootsy? I would trade him but you guys are all so fucking stupid. I’m the smartest guy in the whole wide world.” – Declined to be named
“I wasn’t really paying attention. After years of effort and planning I finally got the green light for operation “Final Jeopardy” and killed that bastard Hal Holbrook. He was dining in hell and I was getting squirrelly with a diet caffeine free coke.” -Delap
As we enter the second week of drama, is there an end in sight?
“If he stops acting like a child. And apologizes. God what a bitch. Can’t understand what I said wrong. It’s not like I gave him a Godfather 7 meat special instead of our vegetarian face stuffer.” – Bankz
“Happily, Bankz just needs to acknowledge he’s a bad father and his life is a waste.” – Druce
“Oh boy I sure hope so; I hate it when the Bossman is angry! He won’t put the divider down in the Malibu---err Limo!” – Majic
Experts around TMBSL worry this unnecessary drama could damage Eric’s willingness to continue to put up with unnecessary bullshit.
“I was looking at the body language Eric was showing and oh my god this reminds of Top Gun’s shirtless beach scene. Remember that? Has James Harden been traded in this league yet? My daughter Zoe has some fun comments about Bankz that I’d like to bring her on for, but first Malcom Gladwell and my son Ben Simmons to chat about quantum physics.” – Bill Simmons, The Ringer
“I just want to get a 25 W/S player for a 2nd round pick. This bullshit is engaging people. We need more in ignorance so I can trade freely. Can I text you about 14 offers?” – Heebs
“Can I just drink beer?” – Trofie
“Sorry guys. I’ve been high, what is going on?” –Odin
What a ride! Join us next week when we get an exclusive tour to Ankly’s sleep away camp for new GMs who don’t trade good.
Frontline is brought to you by the TMBSL association for public articles. Brought to you by readers like you.
