"Chicago Stags? More Like the Dishrags!" Bullets GM Yells to All Within Earshot
Apr 18, 2022 6:59:24 GMT -5
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Post by Yawn of the Dead on Apr 18, 2022 6:59:24 GMT -5
Washington DC -- Today Washington Bullets GM Yawn stunned the media by appearing at a media event for the first time in almost 7 seasons to complain about the Bullets making the Playoffs. The reclusive GM made his feelings known about losing out on a big pay day to all within earshot.
"I think it's an absolute joke -- actually I think it's a freaking travesty that I have to watch this assembled flotsam and jetsam get slaughtered instead of collecting a sweet paycheck from the league office."
The absentee GM then turned his ire on the teams - and more broadly - the city of Chicago.
"The Chicago Stags? More like the dishrags. Bulls? More like Bull****. I'm sick of doing my damndest to not win and being outperformed by some slack jawed broad shouldered kilebasa sucking clowns from the Midwest. Honestly you'd think this whole thing was a series of simulations run through some sort of linux era software. Bunch of ones and zeros conspiring to ruin my freaking day."
Yawn attributed his absence from the day to day operations to getting pretty deep into Football Manager 2022.
"Look - why do I care about T.J. Ford, J.R. Smith or J.R. Ewing when I'm leading Roma to their first Scudetto in 2029? I have a fantastic 4-2-3-1 set up...."
It was a remarkable stream of consciousness during which several reporters were visibly asleep as Yawn talked about specific throw-in routines that used to be "cheesing like a mofo" but were now unusable.
One reporter did note "Still beats covering the Commanders and that dirtbag Dan Snyder"
"I think it's an absolute joke -- actually I think it's a freaking travesty that I have to watch this assembled flotsam and jetsam get slaughtered instead of collecting a sweet paycheck from the league office."
The absentee GM then turned his ire on the teams - and more broadly - the city of Chicago.
"The Chicago Stags? More like the dishrags. Bulls? More like Bull****. I'm sick of doing my damndest to not win and being outperformed by some slack jawed broad shouldered kilebasa sucking clowns from the Midwest. Honestly you'd think this whole thing was a series of simulations run through some sort of linux era software. Bunch of ones and zeros conspiring to ruin my freaking day."
Yawn attributed his absence from the day to day operations to getting pretty deep into Football Manager 2022.
"Look - why do I care about T.J. Ford, J.R. Smith or J.R. Ewing when I'm leading Roma to their first Scudetto in 2029? I have a fantastic 4-2-3-1 set up...."
It was a remarkable stream of consciousness during which several reporters were visibly asleep as Yawn talked about specific throw-in routines that used to be "cheesing like a mofo" but were now unusable.
One reporter did note "Still beats covering the Commanders and that dirtbag Dan Snyder"