Post by Handsome Pete on Feb 18, 2022 15:11:33 GMT -5
Power rankings w/ GIFs
Go go power rankings!
Go go power rankings!
29. Chicago Stags
These deer are super-mega dead. All we can do is sit back and marvel at the carnage.
28-23. Miami Heat, Minnesota Timberwolves, Golden State Warriors, Sacramento Kings, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers
It is indeed sad that we have so many robo-teams in the league, but perhaps this was inevitable. We've at least stabilized in terms of GMs and numbers, so hopefully this list doesn't grow any larger.
22. Atlanta Hawks
The Hawks continue to be hazed left and right by Eric, leaving them no other option but to take action. Unfortunately, some of these contracts handed out look like the results of some serious butt-chugging. Stay strong, king.
21. Dallas Mavericks
Dirt has against all odds made it through four seasons without trading next season's 1.1. He's done a good job of setting himself up with some solid pieces once the superstar arrives on the scene as well. This season and next season are prelude, so Dirt just needs to keep reminding himself to stay the course.
20. Cavaliers
Poor Sap is on at least take #4 of rebuilding. It seems like every time the Cavs are ready to take a step forward into contender status, he gets hit with some RNG misfortune and it all falls apart. Now he's attempting another round of asset accumulation and likely will move on from franchise centerpiece Markelle Fultz.
19. Texas Chaparrals
The Chaps continue to pursue the success of the first decade of 6.0, which so far has gone roughly as well as Wile E. Coyote's pursuit of the roadrunner. Now they find themselves outside of the playoff picture with some interesting pieces but no clear alpha star. There is some youth that could take a step forward but plenty of warts to go around, and the Capela deal looks like an amnesty already.
18. Charlotte Bobcats
This team is pretty shaggy and has Oladipo in the central role, qualities it shares with Thingamajig from the Masked Singer Season 2. Odin went all-in on acquiring Oladipo, giving up some serious draft capital, and is left with only a couple avenues to add talent during Oladipo's prime: FA and salary dumps. His cap is in good shape and there are a seemingly endless number of teams looking to move vets off the books, so maybe this will turn into a solid roster after all. We'll see in the next couple seasons.
17. Los Angeles Lakers
The once proud and noble Lakers suddenly find themselves broke and in need of some cash if they hope to stay out of the gutter. Perhaps there is an article the GM could write that wouldn't require much thought...hmmmm
16. Chicago Bulls
The Bulls are having a dreadful season despite bringing back the core of last season's 50 win team largely the same. Why are they struggling to get on track? Well, no depth chart means their road map to success has been upside down this whole season. If Mike can find the time to straighten things out and sneak into the playoffs, this could be an annoying out for whoever draws them in the first round. But time is quickly running out and more likely the Bulls stay lost the rest of the season.
15. Portland Trail Blazers
The aforementioned Oladipo trade signaled to the league that the Trail Blazers were clearing the decks for a rebuild, and Majic has done a solid job of keeping his cap clean while fielding a team that is at least somewhat competitive. Trey Burke needs to go, but otherwise the Trail Blazers are well stocked with cap space and draft capital for the future.
14. San Antonio Spurs
Another season, another ride on the pointyegg potential energy rollercoaster. The Spurs almost always draft for potential and favor unfinished products over sure bets. Their high potential energy can lead to some exciting kinetic energy, but it's almost always a downhill journey that leads to trading their draft hits elsewhere, restocking, and going up that roller coaster again. If everything syncs up right, one of these days it might all come together for the Spurs. Today is not that day.
13. Pittsburgh Pipers
The Pipers sit in the 7th seed and don't seem like a threat to move up or down the rest of the season. That's dangerous, but I can't decide for whom. Pittsburgh has had a few deep playoff runs as the underdog and pulled off a 1-8 upset against the Cougs a few seasons back. But more likely I think the Pipers are in danger of growing stale with this team construction. The backcourt is getting pretty old and the frontcourt isn't striking fears into anyone. They've got a couple more seasons until their 1.1 but not a ton of valuable assets beyond that, and they might end up in a place where they've got limited means to add talent to go with whoever they get there. Probably nothing to do but ride it out unless someone wants to break the bank for Beckman, but it looks like it's time to pay for the Pipers.
12. Utah Jazz
I really appreciate what Fason has done, building around older vets and staying competitive while accumulating picks geared around the current draft's insane haul of 1.1, 1.2 and 1.4. He's putting a crew together to threaten the top of the west, but despite his current place as the 2 seed, this isn't his time yet.
11. Houston Rockets
The Rockets are a fun team for this sason, swinging a major trade for two-time MVP Harry Hough and assembling a cast of mostly good but not great players around them. Special shoutout to Luther "Rackball" Rackley, a real find in the 2nd round who has improbably become the Rockets 2nd best player and a two-way force.
10. Washington Bullets
Every couple of years, a Livingston comes around to dismantle the cubicle walls of the Yawn zone and bring joy to our surly Washington Bullets GM. The Bullets are a very solid team, and I like their backcourt a lot. Unfortunately, they're forced to sacrifice something no matter what frontcourt combo they go with, as Nene and Woods are trash at offense and Kaba is a disaster outside of offense. If they can find an improvement or two down low this team could take a leap.
9. Charlotte Hornets
Years and years of mismanagement, apathy and downright negligence. This season for Hornets fans must be like when Dorothy first got to Oz and everything was suddenly in technicolor. This is a legitimately good team centered around a couple trades that look very good for...Fecta?!?! That can't be right, there must be some mistake. Wagner and KCP are probably the most potent wing pairing in the league, and Butch Lee looks like a stud in the making at PG. The bigs are fine if unremarkable, but the way this season has gone, the Hornets will not only make their first playoff appearance in 22 seasons, they have a real shot to make a deep run.
8. Vancouver Grizzlies
Sorry for the lack of gif here, I couldn't find the clip I wanted so instead you're stuck with a still image. The Grizzlies have slapped together a decent team with rubber bands and qtips. Coincidentally, that's also the amount they sent to the Cavs in exchange for Karl Malone, who has been a stud in the paint this season and the Grizzlies best player. There is some youth here, so maybe he can mimic MacGruber and get his team to blow up as well.
BONUS:
7. Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks have been busy the past couple seasons, first bringing in superstars in Hough, Motley and Nique, then trading or trying to trade most of them away. With most of the other weapons gone, it's the JR Smith show for now, and Trofie is more than happy to get JR's pipe. The Bucks have still been solid this season despite all the player movement, although the Bingo trade signals they have no illusions of truly contending this season. As per usual, there's a #1 pick coming down the pike for Trofie, so he'll work on building up again to take another run at it in a few seasons.
6. Anaheim Amigos
Do you have a young player who looks promising? Traded for a vet that you think might be a solid pickup? Well listen buddy, you fucked up BIG time. Didn't you know the Amigos already have a player who can do the same thing but better? You wouldn't believe how many times this has happened over the years, but until the rest of the league starts listening to BK, it's just going to keep happening. We're very fortunate he's keeping so many of these studs on the IR or else no one else would ever win.
5. Indiana Pacers
Not a commentary on the Pacers season as much as it is a reflection of Heebs's negotiating tactics with his own players. The undisputed king of drafting a player, giving him absolutely nothing in terms of minutes, uppies, etc. for 3 or 4 seasons, and then signing them to dirt cheap long term contracts before unleashing them on the rest of the league. It's amazing how the rest of us as a whole keep letting him do this, but you've gotta respect the commitment. Also, please for the love of god trade Giannis or Larry. I can't bear to watch them play PF any longer.
4. New York Knicks
The defending champion New York Knicks have mastered the art of the pivot. Sure, Kyrie has been a cheat code player for a solid 14 seasons now, but that alone isn't enough to keep the Knicks good. Ank has continued to do a masterful job of shuffling around the 2nd stars and role players around Kyrie, maximizing his championship odds and allowing him to adapt when things don't go to plan. Who knows how much longer Kyrie can keep doing it, but Ank will be the first to tell you that Isaiah Canaan is ready to step up whenever that day comes.
3. Carolina Cougars
20s has kept his team together and around the top of the league for decades, a feat that would probably put his face on the Mt. Rushmore of 6.0 and surely some form of currency (although he'd get the $20, not the $5). But year after year, his teams enter the playoffs thinking they're going to see a stirring rendition of My American Cousin only to get their heads blown off. Just once, 20s would love to see the end of that play(offs).
2. Seattle SuperSonics
The SuperSonics were already a nightmare for opposing frontcourts with Dwight and Al Jefferson drawing fouls left and right. Now, they've gone and added the best wing in the history of 6.0 (no bias), who is able to draw fouls at a similar rate to even the best bigs. That is just unfair, and illustrates how they've ended up with the comically large .455 FTr this season. Good luck to whoever has to try and keep their bigs on the court against these guys in the playoffs...*checks standings*...ah crap.
1. Toronto Raptors
We all knew Kareem was going to be a monster, but kudos to Delap, whose Raptors have not only figured out how to open the door to being an elite team, but are charging in with a purpose. They've currently got one of the strongest SRS ratings since the Lakers heyday, although they've got more teams nipping at their heels than my Lakers squad did. Scary Terry is a great PG, Lapchick and Swift provide good coverage in case Kareem gets in foul trouble, and everyone other than Kareem takes great care with the basketball, mitigating the only real weakness in Kareem's game. I'm not ready to say that this is the Raptors year to win it all, but at present they look like the scariest team up and down the roster. Other teams are praying for a Deus TRex Machina to derail the Raptors come playoff time.
