"Shut it down folks. Shut it down."
Apr 1, 2021 14:38:54 GMT -5
20s, TinyTimPig, and 3 more like this
Post by Yawn of the Dead on Apr 1, 2021 14:38:54 GMT -5
Washington DC - In his first public statement since Lloyd Sharrar's controversial decision to announce he was joining the Carolina Cougars on a rerun of Cinemax's Passion Cove, Washington Bullets General Manager Yawn Z. Carter announced that rookie and franchise cornerstone Mike Conley would not play another game this season.
"Of course he's not playing another game! Are you [expletive] kidding me? We suck. If we make the playoffs we get a box of chocolates and our [expletive] handed to us by some team that is, I don't know, actually good. Have you watched us play? Carl Landry scores buckets, Alando Tucker grabs boards and Mike Conley runs the whole [expletive] show. He's good! If I see those guys playing crunch time minutes I will freak the [expletive] out. We have a perfectly good Manuel 'Hungry Like' DeWolf on our team. I'm sure he can do an admirable job losing the next six games. Shut it down folks. Shut it down."
The current standings have the Washington Bullets just two games behind the Cleveland Cavaliers.
"Honestly, I am confused how we are in this situation. Sap [Cleveland's General Manager] expressed an interest in making the playoffs in off season meetings. He traded for something called an Ed Cota. He needs to make the playoffs and I hope he does."
What the disheveled Bullets General Manager didn't mention is that under current TMBSL rules he would receive 10,000 skrouse just for missing the playoffs. Team insiders have suggested that GM Yawn is not happy with the amount of spend and has zeroed in on getting 10,000 as his goal for the season.
Those around the team say that Conley has expressed his displeasure...at having to play for the Washington franchise. Conley was controversially selected by a franchise that already had a point guard, Byron Scott with a pick acquired in the Hank Gathers trade. Scott and forward Jeff Ruland were then shipped out to Los Angeles in a deal that saw Washington receive a future top 10 pick in return. Conley worries that his future in Washington will be defined by failed trades and draft picks.
There are rumors floating down Pennsylvania Avenue that Bullets Head Coach Kevin Stallings will be replaced regardless of what happens in the final six games of the season. Insiders say that Stallings doesn't have much of a chance and that the plan was always to hire--and fire him-- after one season because "of what that [expletive] did to Yawn's Pitt Panthers."
"Of course he's not playing another game! Are you [expletive] kidding me? We suck. If we make the playoffs we get a box of chocolates and our [expletive] handed to us by some team that is, I don't know, actually good. Have you watched us play? Carl Landry scores buckets, Alando Tucker grabs boards and Mike Conley runs the whole [expletive] show. He's good! If I see those guys playing crunch time minutes I will freak the [expletive] out. We have a perfectly good Manuel 'Hungry Like' DeWolf on our team. I'm sure he can do an admirable job losing the next six games. Shut it down folks. Shut it down."
The current standings have the Washington Bullets just two games behind the Cleveland Cavaliers.
"Honestly, I am confused how we are in this situation. Sap [Cleveland's General Manager] expressed an interest in making the playoffs in off season meetings. He traded for something called an Ed Cota. He needs to make the playoffs and I hope he does."
What the disheveled Bullets General Manager didn't mention is that under current TMBSL rules he would receive 10,000 skrouse just for missing the playoffs. Team insiders have suggested that GM Yawn is not happy with the amount of spend and has zeroed in on getting 10,000 as his goal for the season.
Those around the team say that Conley has expressed his displeasure...at having to play for the Washington franchise. Conley was controversially selected by a franchise that already had a point guard, Byron Scott with a pick acquired in the Hank Gathers trade. Scott and forward Jeff Ruland were then shipped out to Los Angeles in a deal that saw Washington receive a future top 10 pick in return. Conley worries that his future in Washington will be defined by failed trades and draft picks.
There are rumors floating down Pennsylvania Avenue that Bullets Head Coach Kevin Stallings will be replaced regardless of what happens in the final six games of the season. Insiders say that Stallings doesn't have much of a chance and that the plan was always to hire--and fire him-- after one season because "of what that [expletive] did to Yawn's Pitt Panthers."
